in search of a flatter earth

Although I’ve been in an airplane and seen the curve of the horizon, I could definitely argue for the logic of a flat-earth. If the globe was really round, why don’t we lean one way or the other. How can the Chinese live their whole life upside down? Think about it.

I’ve heard about Newtonian physics, and the whole gravity thing. But gravity hasn’t actually been proven to me. Not me personally. From my perspective, those people down in Australia really ought to have some sort of contingency plan for when they finally start floating away.

What about the advantages of a flat-earth? Well, once we’ve rewritten the book on the whole earth-is-round thing, we can get down to all of those other pesky things that people seem to mindlessly accept.

First of all: buy low sell high.  I’ve never liked this one.  The buying low thing is ok…everyone likes a good deal, but I have a bit of a hoarder tendency.  I tend to just buy low and hold on.  Doesn’t sound nearly as good, does it?

And secondly, why is it the people you least want to talk to who end a phone conversation with, ‘I’m going to have to let you go‘?  Really. It’s always the least tolerable people I have to deal with who say this. I’m already daydreaming about what else I’ll get to do when I finally get off of this call, and in the middle of them droning on and on and on, they suddenly remember someone else they have to go bore senseless.  It’s as if the person saying ‘I’m going to have to let you go‘ really thinks I’m going to be deprived of enlightening conversation.

I’m sure that I’ll come up with plenty more of these. Some of them will even be German ones that you’ve probably never heard of. I was informed recently that if you pull out one grey hair, seven more will come in in its place. Really? That’s encouraging isn’t it? Wonder what brilliant scientific analysis came up with that.

I would go on with this, but I’m going to have to let you go.

4 Comments

  1. “I’m going to let you go” is a pet peeve of mine. Because I dislike it so much I do my best never to use it, instead saying, “I have to go.”

    Because. . . come on, it’s not an insult to tell someone you have something else to take care of, it’s just life. And it’s insulting to me that you feel the need to spare my feelings because something else has come up in your life that is more important than the unimportant phone conversation you’re currently having with me. OF COURSE something has come up more important than that. Next time just email me.

    I have to go.

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  2. Oh man… this blog post is so astounding that I have no idea what to say. So, I will do what they do in sports commentary. Here are the high points for me: “Australia really ought to have some sort of contingency plan for when they finally start floating away” and also, “It’s as if the person saying ‘I’m going to have to let you go‘ really thinks I’m going to be deprived of enlightening conversation.” Thank you. That is all.

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  3. I believe that the phrase “I’m going to have to let you go” is so insulting because it implies that it’s YOU who are boring THEM rather than the other way around.

    We all know that they are the boring ones but before we’ve figured out a way to end the conversation without anyone sustaining major injuries they suddenly say “Sorry, you’re really boring me now, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO LET YOU GO”.

    And you’re left with the uncomfortable feeling that you’ve managed to bore a boring person..!

    Like

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