What would you do if you had a million dollars?

look of excitement

Wanted to do something special here for my hundredth blogpost, and little did I know that the subject would be chosen so perfectly for me. If you’ve been reading here for a while, you know that one of my blogging compadres is the blog lady over at Lucy’s Football.  Well, her life in general and her job in particular has been getting to her lately. Just last week, she wrote If I had a training company, you know I’d call it “Pulling a Train”, right?

While I was reading that, part of me considered, ‘Hm…I hope Lucy’s Football‘s superiors at her J.O.B. don’t read this blog. Or if they do, that they have a sense of humour.‘ Well, the answer to the first one is that they did. And the second? Apparently they don’t.

Earlier in the day, this appeared out of the blue over on twitter:

And my response? I think it’s great. Truly one of the best pieces of news I’ve heard in a long time, and my life is full of good things happening right now.

So in honour of the unceremonious sacking of one of the good guys, I’m dedicating this hundredth blogpost to the people over at Lucy’s Football. By people, I mean that wild-eyed, unruly-haired wonder. The first thing that came to mind when I sat down to fashion her a response was the scene in Office Space where they talk about what you would do if you had a million dollars. For those of you who haven’t seen this Mike Judge movie from 1999, go fire up your Netflix account or however you access media and watch the damned thing. Really.

For the rest of you, here’s a little reminder:

Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you’d do if you had a million dollars and you didn’t have to work. And invariably what you’d say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you’re supposed to be an auto mechanic. 
Samir: So what did you say? 
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that’s why I’m working at Initech. 
Michael Bolton: No, you’re working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there’d be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars. 
Samir: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities… 
Michael Bolton: Samir, you’re missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you’re supposed to figure out what you would want to do if… 
[printer starts beeping] 
Michael Bolton: “PC Load Letter”? What the fuck does that mean? 

For the more sensitive among you, I should go ahead and apologise for that foul-mouthed language. Wait a minute: you’re accustomed to accounts of sneaky fuckery and you’ve got stool. No need for walking on egg shells with you lot.

Now that she’s going to have all of this free time, I’d like to give ol’ Lucy’s Football a task. There’s a story behind it, and I aim to tell it to you in all of its glory.

When I was a younger man, I went through a bit of a rough patch employment-wise. There came a point where I decided that working was for chumps, and I resolved to cease even searching for gainful employment. It was a courageous decision for which I was not fêted to the degree I was expecting.

The way my friends would rub it in that I was in such an unfortunate predicament was that they’d simply ask me questions about the daytime television schedule. They assumed, and were quite right, that my leisurely day allowed me to become rather well acquainted with what was on offer while they were slaving away at their 9-to-5 positions.

When do they replay the Daily Show on Comedy Central?‘ they’d query. And I knew. I knew all too well.

Now, let me be quite clear here. I’m sure Lucy’s Football will find something better rather quickly. According to her  telling, almost anything she finds will be more fulfilling than what she was doing. My hope is that she’ll hold out for something that really utilises her..ahem..unique charms.

But in the meantime, ‘Hey Lucy’s Football…what’s the best thing on television at 11 am on a weekday?

8 thoughts on “What would you do if you had a million dollars?

  1. For people who are reading this that aren’t aware (because I’m pretty sure lahikmajoe is): I knew they were reading my blog. I just didn’t care. I hated it there, and I was furious they were tracking what I was doing and thought I wasn’t AWARE they were tracking it, so I just thought, burn ALL the bridges, blog away, lucysfootball, blog away.

    And I did. And today I was escorted off the premises. Holding a sad desk-plant. I wasn’t surprised. I was actually more relieved than I have been in months. Maybe in years.

    Sadly, I will not be watching that much television. I will be (probably starting in a day or two – hopefully) starting full-time at my part-time job, to carry me over until I find something full-time. I’m really terrible at idling. It makes me itchy.

    Thank you for this. So much. This just made my whole afternoon.

    Also, what do you think my unique charms ARE, by the way? I’ll need to know, for the job interviews I’ll be going on.

    (For the record, if I had a million dollars, I’d bon vivant the hell out of it. I’d finally get to see Wildpark Poing!)

    Like

    • i’d bon vivant, too.

      i’ve spent so much time since i got ill idling about that i don’t even have a tv any more because i have SEEN EVERYTHING.

      it does get boring. on the other hand, the internet is almost endlessly engaging….

      Like

  2. Pingback: Regrets, I’ve had a few; but then again, too few to mention « Lucy's Football

  3. 1) “It was a courageous decision for which I was not fêted to the degree I was expecting.” This made me laugh.

    2) I think you should braid your beard into two plaits and put beads on them like a viking.

    Like

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