curse all you want

Don’t hold that rage in, son. Let it out. For goodness sake, let. It. Out.

Have you ever wanted to just yell at someone, but you couldn’t? Anti-social as it might be, sometimes the only thing that will satisfy that desire is to let loose. To open your pie-hole and just unload a torrent of abuse. If there were only a place that would let you get that aggression out.

Oh, wait. There is. There’s a hotline that offers this very service. You can call it and scream to your heart’s content. You can say all the words that you’ve never had the nerve to say aloud. You can say pretty much anything you want.

There’s one catch, though. It’s in German. Not that I think it matters. If you really wanted to spend the money to make the call, I think you’re free to use whatever tongue you so please. So, what is this brilliant website? Where can you go to scream bloody murder. Here it is:

Schimpf los has been specially created for someone of your ilk. The hot-headed sort who needs to blow off some steam, but doesn’t want to lose your job. Or offend your partner.

Or maybe you’ve already yelled at everyone in your daily life, and you just need someone new. A new target for your ire. My thoughts immediately went to: ‘What sort of person would sign up to work for such a hotline? It’s enough to work at a mind-numbing, soul-crushing company, but do you really want to add being verbally assaulted to your list of daily concerns? Really? Do you?

I suppose if you knew it wasn’t personal, and that the person doesn’t know you…well, I suppose that might make the whole situation tolerable. I guess so.

However, one of the nice things about my life is that I have plenty of people I can holler at for free. Well, nearly for free. If you yell at a person in public in Germany, you can receive an Strafanzeige, which is an official police citation. You’re charged for having committed a Beleidigung, which is an insult. If you insult someone and there are witnesses, you’re going to pay a fine.

Or if you’re honest when the police come and ask you whether you said the thing you’ve been accused of, and it’s part of your civic responsibility to be as honest as you can, you’re obligated to be as truthful as you can. Do all Germans tell the truth at all times? I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.

But if you want to be safe…to scream and holler and hurl insults at a stranger on the other end of the telephone line? Well Schimpf los, my friend. There’s no time like the present.